gq:
Live-Blogging The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)
You know, just like live-blogging the Grammys! (Only it’s fuckin’ disgusting.) GQ’s brave Lauren Bans watched this literal “ass to mouth” gross-out film and wrote a viewing guide of sorts. Uh, enjoy.
00:00:03 - Oh wonderful. No easing in. The first shot opens on the terrified faces of two naked women/centipede segments pushing muffled, panicked breaths into the anuses to which their respective mouths are sewn, like reverse farts of fear.
00:02:01 - Camera pans out to reveal that it’s just a short parking attendant who looks like the lovechild of Powder and Karl Rove WATCHING the first Human Centipede movie. And he has a scrapbook of stills on his desk! Meta!
00:06:07 - Oh god, now he’s bludgeoning an attractive couple in a parking lot with a rusty pipe. With Centipede streaming on my computer, I’m turning on Extreme Couponing on TLC for ambient safe noise.
00:09:22 - He is bludgeoning a landlord.
00:14:13 - Cut to bedroom. He’s having a nightmare…about his Dad raping him? Unclear. What is clear: He has shat the bed.
00:17:37 - At the therapist! Good for him! But the therapist has a pet centipede. Bad therapist! BAD THERAPIST.
00:19:21 - Unrelated: A lady from Arkansas just got her grocery bill from $500 down to $7!
00:22:36 - Martin—we learn his name during the therapy session—is back at work, sketching a 12-person human centipede in his notebook. This would be scarier if his drawings didn’t resemble the cover of a Putumayo world music album.
Read the rest here.
